![]() ![]() We worry and obsess we think and we plan. It’s completely ineffective, but it’s what we do. One football coach talks about an exchange with a former player: “I told him, ‘What is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ The player said, ‘Coach, I don’t know, and I don’t care.’” For instance, we might find ourselves thinking, “Okay, if you’re going to treat me this way, then I’m going to pull back.”Īnother way we control is by withdrawing from ourselves, by shutting down. Sometimes we try to control by framing or presenting things in a certain way to elicit a certain response. We all have our different ways of becoming The Controller. You might notice that the more insecure you feel, the more The Controller will hop into action. For instance when you’re with another person and are feeling anxious, notice The Controller in you who’s trying to be experienced in a certain way. You might begin to notice this in your own life. Yet so many things are completely out of our control-aging, sickness, dying, other people dying, other people acting in ways we don’t like, our own moods and emotions…it’s all out of our hands.Įven so, when this automatic habit of controlling takes over, when our whole identity is in the persona of The Controller, we become removed from the qualities of presence, freshness, and spontaneity we lose the ability to respond from a wiser, more compassionate place. As living organisms anxious about our existence, we’re all naturally rigged to want to manage our lives with the goal of creating more pleasure and less pain for ourselves. ![]()
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